31 December 2014

Thank you, 2014. Welcome, 2015

Well, it is that time of year. For my teenager, it means Winter Break is winding down. For my preschooler, it means she is going to fight the odds and stay awake long enough to celebrate, although she has no idea what it means to celebrate New Year's Eve. For my oldest, it means yet another day of work, because her pet boarding facility has 24-hour services 365 days a year.

As for me, well, this year the New Year brings about new and different thoughts and feelings.
(Please bear with me on the long, rambling post.)


The end of 2103 and all of 2104 was an emotionally draining year for me. Ironically, the one place that usually zaps my energy at year end (my place of employment), was the least of my concerns. I have a new manager who is amazing. Our company had the best year since being sold by our parent company, actually showing "in the black." Our employees were able to have a Winter Holiday Party and it rocked. Since the holidays were on Thursdays (Christmas and New Year's), we got Thursday and Friday off for both weeks. The majority of my team was on vacation, so I was able to catch up on loose ends. For once, work was a calm, steady presence this year, especially around the holidays.


My stress came from the fight my mom began in December of 2103 against not one, but two types of cancer. She was diagnosed with stage 0 breast cancer and stage 3 melanoma, which has moved into stage 4. She does everything she is supposed to do to try to destroy the killer in her body. She had the surgeries when needed for removal of lymph nodes. She battled and beat pneumonia the week of one of her fall surgeries That surgery led to her developing lymphodema. She is doing each round of chemo, both the intense and the long-term. She was hospitalized this month for a week long battle with what ended up being an adrenal insufficiency. Her team of specialists have become like a second family to her. Her therapists see her more than any of us do. Her strength comes from her faith and her family, and I heard that from her own lips during her last hospital stay. Each day she starts with being thankful to have yet another day of life.


So as 2014 is coming to a close, I am choosing to look at it a little differently. I don't usually make resolutions simply because I try to set 28 Day Challenges for myself which lead to larger life changes. My mom's battles have led me to re-evaluate my physical, mental, and spiritual health. I remember her oncologist telling her once if it weren't for her cancers, she would be the epitome of health. He also mentioned that she has some amazing and powerful reasons for living. I decided I wanted to start 2015 developing some of those same traits. I want to be a great example of mental, physical, and spiritual strength for my family and friends. I want to develop amazing and powerful reasons for living, and be able to appreciate them in the moment.


For those who know me personally, I might as well have stated I am going to sprout wings and fly. Currently my physical, mental, and spiritual health are the worst they have ever been in my 45+ years of living. I am overweight and a non-medicine dependent diabetic. I suffer from low self-esteem and depression. I have no peg on which to hang a spiritual hat. My gender fluidity is unrecognized in this day and age. Often I work to avoid living and in turn live only to work. I am a constant frustration to family and friends who have stated I am a shell of the person I once was.


I want to change that, even by the tiniest bit. I want to welcome 2015 as a year of challenge and change. I have a Grand Reopening for my sideline business on 03.14.15 and I am thrilled (and scared) for that event. I am starting my 10th year at my "day job," and that is a pretty impressive milestone. I have joined and am leading a few community groups at work, as well. My youngest starts kindergarten this fall, and that thrills and terrifies me simultaneously, but I can't wait to get involved in the school community. This year has all the makings of an amazing year...as long as I allow it. Therefore, I have decided that my actions this year need to lead to a stronger me. I am going to continue to hone my strengths and strip away my weaknesses. I know it won't be easy. Heck, I don't even think I will like it most of the time. But I do know it will be worth it. I will continue to remind myself that I am worth it. I am looking forward to compiling an enormous list of all the accomplishments for this upcoming year. Care to join me?

What is one amazing thing you would like to make happen in 2015?